5 Ways Christmas Can Kill You
5 Ways Christmas Can Kill You! Of course there are a million ways Christmas can kill you, but today we’re learning 5 different ways to die this holiday season! This post is meant to be humorous, so keep your pants on! Merry Christmas!
I bet you can come up with a million ways Christmas can kill you. But these 5 are a good, silly read. You know I’ve been pumping out holiday recipes, Christmas DIY’s and other goodies – so I decided to give you a fun blog post to get you through the holidays. I know you can probably relate to at least one of these five ways Christmas can kill you.. So let’s get to it!
5 Ways Christmas Can Kill You!
A Shocking Christmas Display
Let’s go out in negative 20 degree weather, freeze our butts off and hang lights from the gutters – said no sane person ever. Christmas lights may be beautiful, but if you’re anything like the Griswolds you could be in for a shock of a lifetime.
Believe it or not there are people who use indoor extension cords for outdoor lighting, mainly because every store on earth sells indoor extension cords right next to the outdoor lights. What’s up with that?!
There are also jolly old souls who love to over do it and over load outlets, run cords in the wet snow and not think twice about where the electrical lines come into their home. Whip that aluminum ladder around the corner of the house and POP – you’re a goner!
Pro tip: When decorating your house for Christmas, don’t kill yourself.
Holiday Travel Accidents
We wont talk about the plane pilot who thought it was quicker to get to grandma’s house by taking the highway…
Besides me, who loves driving in the snow? As we all rush off to see family we really don’t care to see with a tank full of gas we couldn’t afford and a trunk full of gifts we didn’t want to buy, we have to remember not everyone on the road is as excited and jolly as we are!
Some people may need a drink or seven to even think about heading to their in-laws for Christmas. So, remember to be vigilant, keep your eyes peeled and don’t drink and drive like the other guy!
Then of course you have the southerners who get a dusting of snow and all hell breaks loose. Cars sliding off the road everywhere. Entire cities are shutting down. State of emergencies are being declared..
And here we are in New England driving through 12 inches of snow wondering when the stupid plow guy is going to make a pass….
Pro tip: Complaining to one another about family during holiday travel reduces stress.
Stockings Hung By The Fire Without Care
Hang those Christmas stockings, but don’t burn your toes! If you have an open flame fireplace or are hanging your stockings above your wood burning stove – you could could wake up dead.
It’s one thing to dry your smelly, wet, winter socks on the hearth. But when Santa hangs the dusty old Christmas stockings from the mantel, he better make sure they’re not close to the heat source or he may catch your house on fire and kill you.
Pro tip: After washing, dry your stinky winter socks in the dryer like a normal person.
Shoveling Your Own Grave
Grab a shovel, family is coming to town! You’ve got to make sure the driveway and walkways are clear and free of snow and ice so no one slips and sues you. But, did you know that shoveling snow is one of the leading causes of heart attacks in the winter?
If you’ve sat on your duff for the past 6 months rather that going outside to enjoy the nice weather, you may be at an increased risk of dying while doing something you hate, shoveling white manure. Now you’re stuck on the brink of having a coronary and haven’t even begun to deal with your family yet. Congrats, go eat another cookie.
Also, don’t be cheap. Spend the money and buy a decent roof rake. Otherwise you may end up on your roof this winter, and if you fall off – it’s your own fault.
Hint. Click the link that says “buy a decent roof rake” and buy one.
Pro tip: Get off your butt in the summertime & you’ll feel less like a lump of lard when shoveling snow in the winter.
Family Induced Aneurysm
Family. Again? Didn’t we just see them on Thanksgiving? What gives? As if the political talk wasn’t enough, now we get to hear screaming brats running around with their new noise makers and toys all hyped up on stocking stuffer candy and Christmas cookies?
Then there’s that one kid who’s always spoiled beyond Christmas belief. They’ll be standing there holding a brand spanking new iPhone and complaining they didn’t get anything good for Christmas.
Go away kid. Seriously. Go. Away.
Pro tip: Suck it up buttercup, it ain’t gettin’ any better!
Merry Christmas. I hope you don’t die!
Now for something sweet… Peppermint Brownie Cookies!